Polish Monster Language
One day, Frankie Tweezers was attacked by a monster who had red, big pupils, green skin and dirty fingernails. The monster covered Frankie with nearly-hot wax, which was still liquid but not hot enough to burn his skin. As the wax cooled and solidified, Frankie tipped over because he burped. The potential energy of the burp caused this, and Frankie thought that was kind of funny, scientists giving a name to something that didn't even exist (potential energy). "This is like claiming to be good at multitasking, and then proving it by standing by the back door of your house while simultaneously NOT standing by the front door, and even still at the same time NOT standing on the side of the road with your thumb pointed towards the heavens in South Dakota." That was what Frankie thought, and since the monster had pretty good mindreading skills, he thought Frankie was offering to be his personal secretary. "Well, I don't really need a secretary. But can you speak other languages?" asked the monster, in Polish Monster Language (PML). Unfortunately, Frankie could not speak other languages, and so he didn't comprehend what the monster was asking. He thought, though, "The monster sounds Polish. My mom taught me how to sing a birthday celebration song in Polish when I was a kid. If I weren't covered in wax, I'd ask the monster if he were Polish."
"Well, I am Polish, but I speak in a dialect only known to Polish Monsters," said the monster, "But I know the song of which you speak, and I wonder what this word 'mother' means. In Polish Monster Language, we have a word that might be of the same root, and it is 'motlehkczek' and it means, in English, 'Green Prada Handbag.'" Frankie only understood the phrases 'mother' and 'green prada handbag,' and assumed that the monster was accusing Frankie of wanting to slay him, sell his hide to Prada, and use the profit to purchase the handbag to give to his mother for a holiday gift.
"No, that's not why I covered you with wax. I covered you with wax because I am good at it, and since you are a stranger to me, I wanted to impress you with my keen skill. I would very much like to see what you are good at, which I assume is multitasking," the monster explained. Luckily, the word for 'multitasking' is one of those American words used 'round the world, so when the monster ended his sentence with it, it was clear to Frankie that the monster must have been reading his mind. Frankie wondered why the monster didn't respond in English, if he new what he was thinking, and it would have made things much easier.
"Well, my English skills are not so good. I know a few words, but really I can only understand you because thoughts are transmitted via energy waves. I can understand the concepts and emotions (even scientific seeming ones) that gad about in your mind, but I can't communicate in English. The mindreading suffices, in most cultures."
Frankie began to figit and the wax shell broke. Although it was a fine wax shell, maybe even the best of its kind, it was not thick enough to contain Frankie for too long, which of course was not what the monster had intended anyway.
Frankie's lips were now free to move, and he asked the monster why he had covered him with wax. Since the monster had just explained that a few minutes ago, he got a little frustrated and smoked out the ears and turned his back to Frankie for a moment, which was a mistake. Frankie took his Swiss Army Knife and murdered the monster. The monster realized that this was because Frankie had perceived him as a threat, when in actuality he wasn't at all, he was just an immigrant. Frankie was relieved to be out of danger, and had also decided that the green Prada bag idea was a good one, so he thought he'd make use of the cadaver. The monster said one last thing before he died: "If you're not going to learn other languages, you should at least learn to read minds."
His mother was very pleased with the gift.
"Well, I am Polish, but I speak in a dialect only known to Polish Monsters," said the monster, "But I know the song of which you speak, and I wonder what this word 'mother' means. In Polish Monster Language, we have a word that might be of the same root, and it is 'motlehkczek' and it means, in English, 'Green Prada Handbag.'" Frankie only understood the phrases 'mother' and 'green prada handbag,' and assumed that the monster was accusing Frankie of wanting to slay him, sell his hide to Prada, and use the profit to purchase the handbag to give to his mother for a holiday gift.
"No, that's not why I covered you with wax. I covered you with wax because I am good at it, and since you are a stranger to me, I wanted to impress you with my keen skill. I would very much like to see what you are good at, which I assume is multitasking," the monster explained. Luckily, the word for 'multitasking' is one of those American words used 'round the world, so when the monster ended his sentence with it, it was clear to Frankie that the monster must have been reading his mind. Frankie wondered why the monster didn't respond in English, if he new what he was thinking, and it would have made things much easier.
"Well, my English skills are not so good. I know a few words, but really I can only understand you because thoughts are transmitted via energy waves. I can understand the concepts and emotions (even scientific seeming ones) that gad about in your mind, but I can't communicate in English. The mindreading suffices, in most cultures."
Frankie began to figit and the wax shell broke. Although it was a fine wax shell, maybe even the best of its kind, it was not thick enough to contain Frankie for too long, which of course was not what the monster had intended anyway.
Frankie's lips were now free to move, and he asked the monster why he had covered him with wax. Since the monster had just explained that a few minutes ago, he got a little frustrated and smoked out the ears and turned his back to Frankie for a moment, which was a mistake. Frankie took his Swiss Army Knife and murdered the monster. The monster realized that this was because Frankie had perceived him as a threat, when in actuality he wasn't at all, he was just an immigrant. Frankie was relieved to be out of danger, and had also decided that the green Prada bag idea was a good one, so he thought he'd make use of the cadaver. The monster said one last thing before he died: "If you're not going to learn other languages, you should at least learn to read minds."
His mother was very pleased with the gift.
posted by SK at 6:58 PM
1 Comments:
Learning another language is very important... Learning to read minds could be a valuable tool in communication also... Learning to recognize body language and gestures is another way to attempt to communicate... Responsibility lies with both Frankie and the monster... It would be difficult to read a mind if there wasn't a cohesive thought to begin with! Or if the gestures and body language were incongruent with the words or thoughts... I think one trick is not to attach too much importance to one piece of information, and also in not disregarding those same little pieces... Perhaps a Polish Monster Self-Help Communication Manual could be developed, illustrated by Frankie from his perspective!
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